What to do When You Are Feeling Far from God Because Of Sin (My Story)
I don’t know if you’ve ever experienced a panic attack.
It’s honestly one of the most painful, uninspiring feelings in the world. You’re not in control, you’re scared, and it feels like everything is crumbling down.
Some have it worse than others, but there’s one commonality among everyone who’s ever experienced a panic attack: the feeling of helplessness.
Now double that feeling 10X.
Heap on guilt, shame, and hopelessness, and you’ll have one of the most painful experiences for a Christian: Being torn away from GOD.
For the past two years and three months, I’ve not posted anything on this blog.
My busy schedule was a nice enough excuse, but the most accurate reason was my fractured relationship with Christ. I was feeling far from God because of sin.
For those two years, I’ve gone so far from God that it felt impossible to return. I dug myself multiple graves and then put on an armor of pride and ego.
I refused to acknowledge God and chose the world and flesh over Christ so many times that I lost count.
The result was a failed relationship with God, lots of depression, and an intense lack of peace.
Now, I’m retracing the steps back to God, and it is one painful journey.
His voice still feels silent, and even though peace has returned, I can’t shake off the shame and guilt over just how much I wronged God.
I’m still not in a good place.
(For me, the perfect place is one where I’m in perfect communion with Christ. He is my father, and I’m safe underneath His love.)
I’m now learning to crawl back to the one who has my heart.
What Caused My Faith to Wonder?
I can’t really pinpoint when I lost track of my faith.
It was more of a slow, sure, and half-intentional fading.
Of course, I’m the one who ran, the one who distanced myself. Christ remained the same. He called and called, but my heart was hard.
“Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.”- Hebrews 13:8
My sin was a bigger culprit. I gave so much authority to my flesh that I forgot to bow to Christ.
Sins I had let go since becoming a Christian resurfaced, and sister, I tell you, they came back 7-fold like the said demons in the bible.
What are the Effects of Sin on a Believer?
Now, I have to deal with the remnants of sin. It’s a filthy ache that pains every time the thoughts resurface.
Before all this, I was a Christian for close to six years. Even then, it was not always perfect, but I had learned to stick to God even on the bad days. I hate the word backsliding, but there’s no better way to explain my experience.
It’s embarrassing to have once known God so deeply and then succumb to the pleasures and passions of the world. You know it’s wrong, but for some reason, you keep digging your own grave and turning further and further from the father. Now, you keep feeling far from God because of sin— all the time!
Depression and Anxiety
I’ve had countless sleepless nights in what can be classified as a bad case of terrible insomnia. I’ve lost focus of my dreams, goals, and ambitions, and on some occasions, my will to live. Because of this sin and my constant distancing from my father, I have become trapped in such ridiculous anxiety, such depressive days, and so many tears.
Apathy has almost taken over(and I say almost because, on some days, there’s a strip of hope).
Being so far from God has undone me.
Faded Purpose and Goals Because of Feeling Far From God Because of Sin
My ambitions are almost no more than sparse writings on a sticky note.
My purpose has almost reduced to nothing more than survival. Contentment is such a foreign word now. And love? I’m not even capable of giving it out as expected because I’ve closed off true love from the King of Kings.
It has been terrible, gut-wrenching, painful, and full of so many regrets. I wish I could undo the past mistakes and erase the memories of my sins, but I know they’ll always be there.
But even if it’s been so hard, there are some silver linings in what has become a gloomy lifestyle.
- I’ve gained a friend who listens and encourages me.
- I’m not unconvicted anymore. I know my sins, and I’m so determined to get out of their grip.
- Most importantly, I’ve come to realize that life without Christ is oh-so meaningless, terrible, painful, and uninspiring.
What’s Next Now?
I wish I were writing this blog post when I’m already 100% right with GOD. But there are a few things I need to work out.
I just figured out that if I were to wait for the perfect time, I would miss out on sharing the journey or remaining accountable for that goal.
So, that is what has been happening. I’m still not where I want to be, but I’m getting there.
What to do When You Feel Far From God
If you’ve experienced the same, I want you to know that there’s still hope.
The only part now is to be intentional in pursuing God and being grounded in the truth: The Word of God.
- So, let’s wake up early to pray and learn from His word
- Repent fervently
- Meditate on His Word daily
- Find friends that keep us accountable
- Attend church on sabbath to hear from Him
If you can’t pray, then worship with a song or write down your prayers.
“For his unfailing love toward those who fear him is as great as the height of the heavens above the earth. He has removed our sins as far from us as the East is from the West. The LORD is like a father to his children, tender and compassionate to those who fear him.
For he knows how weak we are; he remembers we are only dust. Our days on earth are like grass; like wildflowers, we bloom and die. The wind blows, and we are gone— as though we had never been here. But the love of the LORD remains forever with those who fear him. His salvation extends to the children’s children of those who are faithful to his covenant, of those who obey his commandments”- Psalms 103: 11-18
I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments section below if you’re feeling far from God because of sin.
I have read your blog and I completely relate to what you have written
I am trying to mend my relationship with God but it feels like its almost impossible because the grip of my past mistake and I feel ashamed of my sin. I am afraid to talk to anyone because I feel like their view of me will change. please help me what should I do because I want to feel God around me again
Hi Tate,
I’m so sorry I’m only seeing this now. It has been a rough ride on my end, too. But one thing I’m finding useful is showing up. Show up even when you don’t feel like it. If you can’t pray, then just read your Bible or put on some worship music. It might seem like a small thing, but bit by bit, you’ll start to see transformation.
But the most important is to invite God/Holy Spirit into your space. Be honest with Him about your sins and what a struggle it is to get past them. Ask Him to work on your heart bit by bit- Just lay it all on him.
It doesn’t have to be a friend; it could be someone from church. Sharing your struggles with another person will be such a relief. Their views about you might change, but most good people understand that human beings are imperfect.
And lastly, here are a couple of preachings/songs that have really blessed me.
https://youtu.be/gduuNAE5zVU?si=u7THt_bAkT5GUrWn
https://youtu.be/DCJiAHZiUjA?si=Ke9yniFzp9oEjB9J
https://youtu.be/k3L5dHMMhcU?si=kgW3X6ULw_qCCczG
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GPLxE46ynF8&list=PLGVBUtvDSmQADkIBY6E2hnP1p6XQvEFgd
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rYQ5yXCc_CA
Let me know if this helps.
don’t be afraid to talk to people
For many months I have prayed that God would soften my greatly hardened heart. I have been too far from Him for too long. In a panic-induced state, I began to search for answers — help, maybe — from others who have gone through the same thing. There I found this. God bless you, my dear sister! You have been a blessing to a wretched sinner such as myself. I read through this, and I began to read the Scriptures. As of today, August 21st, 2024, I have committed myself again to the Lord and have gotten right with Him. Today will mark a turning point in my life that leads to a walk with God that I have desired for so long yet not attained. I sit here in my room with tear-filled eyes, feeling led to share with you that God has used you today. May He bless you!
Psalm 51:13-14 KJV
[13] Then will I teach transgressors thy ways; And sinners shall be converted unto thee. [14] Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God, thou God of my salvation: And my tongue shall sing aloud of thy righteousness.
Thank you so much for this. It is amazing how one person’s struggle can help free another’s. This has hit my heart and brought tears to my eyes. I felt every single word. I feel like my distance has gotten to a point where I find it hard communicating with others. I get nervous about social interactions all the time. However this is encouraging and was helpful confirmation of guidance on the road of repentance.
Such a blessing to have found this. I have been struggling with feeling so far from God. I go to church and I pray daily but I am still gripped by my regrets of my sins. I got baptized about a month ago but some days I still feel like I am so far apart from my Father. I want to be right with him I can’t seem to get right and stay there. I always seem to fail him and it hurts my heart that I am such a sinner I try hard to not do the things of the world but I fail miserably sometimes.. I know God is always the same he is always near but I am the one causing the separation and I don’t want that. How can I be stronger on my end to not use my free will for anything other than being close to God?? 🙏
“So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want.”
Galatians 5:16-17 NIV
Walk by the Spirit so that you do not gratify the desires of your flesh. Walking by the Spirit will help you to not use your free will for anything other than being close to God. Walk by the Spirit, through prayer, reading the Word, fasting, listening to the convictions the Holy Spirit gives you. Fasting helps to starve your flesh and feed your Spirit, but always consult the Lord first before fasting because you will need His help. Tell God the things you struggle with, invite Him into the struggle and let Him help you 💕
I know that I am not the author of this post but I hope this helps!
thanks, also how can I defeat deception
“Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”
John 8:32 NIV
To defeat deception, it is important to know the truth because the truth will set you free. Read the Word (the Bible) and fill yourself up with the truth. The Word of God is the Sword of the Spirit which is apart of the Armour of God (Ephesians 6:13-17). It will help you to fight against the enemy, it will help you to against his lies.
I know that I am not the author of this post but I hope this helps!
Wangui,when I searched “How do you follow God without being consumed by sin”,I was expecting some perfect answers that will hurt even more knowing some people have such faith.It seems like people that have faith have a good answer for you,but you really don’t find comfort from them.But lonely?
read yours I was thinking it was from some preacher,but then I knew it couldn’t have been,because it was too deep.I must say thank you,and God really did use you.Such simple paragraphs really hit me hard.It had me crying,cause I was looking for something else,but found something that showed how I was feeling the whole time.It hurts knowing there are pleasures that seem fun,but aren’t right.I struggle with appearance a lot,and just not how I look,it’s more like what I want to dress like.My parents are wonderful,but I like to dress good for myself,it makes me feel good and pretty,but that would make me disobey my parents and God.I hate knowing that I sin,and that I love God,but I let the world destroy my faith so easily.I feel like being one of Jesus’s students that are so blinded by their thoughts and their ways.Omg,it makes me feel so angry and sad knowing that I am one of those students that are blind ,and just knowing Jesus had suffered for me,and I can’t even believe in him.That I can’t even do the simple things he asks of me.If you have seen “The Chosen”,it’s something that really showed me what we are,and watching those people being deaf to the core,it got me really upset with myself.How can we be so cruel and how can we ignore the miracles?I really struggle with finding people to talk to,because I feel like I’m not interesting or important. And it hurts when someone chooses to hear someone over you,and when those of your friends leave you when you need them.Its hard to see people finding you nothing but a name.I know God doesn’t want this for me,but how am I supposed to be happy when I am lonly?It’s really hard to find yourself in a place where you are sad,but God is in your heart,and you don’t appreciate the life he gived you.Is it wrong to have suicide thoughts if you are a Christian?I guess you can say that,cause people expect you to be perfect.But every time I did have them, no one but God knew,and he comfort me,but sometimes I need a person’s testimony like yours.Sorrow really does brings me closer to God,but I feel so broken,that everything he tells me just slipps away from my hands.I’m really just in a place where I don’t know what I’m doing in this world. I really appreciate that you have posted this!Thank you!May God bless you!